If you haven't had the pleasure of doing a home study, you are missing out!! Imagine having to tell strangers about every aspect of you life, filling out tons of paperwork to confirm everything you've told them, then paying them a ton of money to process said paperwork. It is daunting!! Then, when your adoption takes longer than a year, you get to do it all over again!
I thought the second time couldn't be so bad and, really, it wasn't as difficult. But now we face the dreaded home visit again. (insert dramatic music here)
I hate the home visit. It feels so foreign for me to share every part of your life and home. For those who haven't enjoyed this process, here is how it goes. First, a stranger (ours was very sweet) came into our home with a giant file all about our family. Then the stranger asked Dan and I deep and probing questions in regards to the giant file in her hands. She smiled, we smiled. She questioned, we answered. She tried to look comfortable, we tried to look comfortable. Then, just as we started to relax, the stranger asked to speak to our children. One word went through my mind; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
First it was my son's turn. My son is known to go from the most talkative child to a mute one when put on the spot by a stranger. When he does speak, it is so quiet that you may not be sure he actually said anything. He gave his whispered one worded answers and we moved on to Olivia. Unlike Eli, our daughter is very willing to answer you, usually saying highly inappropriate and random things. For example, when we told her that a dear friend of ours died unexpectedly, her response was, "Oh no, did he explode?" And once, when we walked by several black children at the store, she stopped to ask if they had been orphans in Africa and adopted. She asks people out in public(male and female) if they are pregnant. She has told several people that their faces are scary and has been known to scream "Don't kill me!" when she is made to go somewhere she doesn't want to go (she saves this one for when there is a decent crowd of strangers around). She is unpredictable and rude. This is what it is like to have a child with Autism. So having someone ask her important questions can be more than terrifying. I prayed that she would just go off on a tangent about frogs until our case worker gave up the interrogation. That didn't happen but, thankfully, Olivia was in a particularly agreeable mood that day. She said she was excited to have a new brother and sister but they would need to get their own toys. Our case worker smiled adoringly, misunderstanding Olivia completely. "How sweet that you want your brother and sister to have toys all their own!" Um, is it wrong that I didn't clarify that Olivia was actually saying they need to get their own toys because there was no way she was sharing? Oh well.
So after the nerve racking verbal inspection, it's time for the visual inspection. This stranger actually walks through your house, inspecting it. Cool, huh?! She asked questions like "Where is your fire extinguisher?" and "Where do you have your emergency exit plan posted?" I assumed telling her that our emergency exit policy was "Every man for himself" wouldn't have gone over well. I walked her through our house that I thought was in great shape, but then seemed to be breeding dust bunnies and cob webs ( I swear they were not there the day before!). I showed her our room, Eli's room, and I tried to run her by Olivia's room but she slid right on by. There is Olivia, showing this lovely stranger the pretty, life size drawings she has been doing on her wall. Awesome. I smiled weakly and explained that I was willing to sacrifice one room to graffiti to keep the high traffic areas free from vandalism. Surprisingly, she seemed to totally understand, or, she is one amazing actress.
And then it was over. I said good-by to the stranger who held our future in her giant file and collapsed on the couch exhausted.
Fun, right! And now we get to do it again. So now we have to fix the hole in mudroom floor/basement door (don't judge me!), paint walls (except Olivia's works of art in her room), and try to make our little crappy bathroom look like it can handle six people. Can you imagine if the state came into your home every time you got pregnant and did this? Me either!
I know I sound like I'm griping. This is all tongue in cheek. I really am willing to do whatever it takes to bring my kids home. It is just so hard to create "homey environment" when we are so busy living in our home! I look forward to the day when all my children are home and we can just live. That's all I want. I want my family to be a family that lives and loves and gets messy. I want to live every crazy moment of this life to its fullest (in between awesome naps)!
Now, I've got to go find some Spackle and Febreeze...
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