Fear. We all know it. We all feel it. But, do we let it control us?
This has been on my mind a lot lately. I have lived a life fighting my fears. As a child, I would continuously climb a big old oak tree in our front yard and make myself jump out of it just because I wanted to stop being afraid of heights. It didn’t work exactly as I planned. I jumped out of that tree no less than a hundred times and still can’t stand heights. However, I know I can fight through my fear of heights, whether I need to climb a ladder to work on the gutters or cross a downed tree over a flooded creek because I need a fast way to the other side. As a teen, I went camping with our youth group in the Florida swamps. Swamps full of wild pigs, banana spiders, and alligators. Harnessing fear, I played capture-the-flag in the dark and swam in a river that I had seen numerous alligators swimming in earlier that day.
As an adult, I now understand the consequences of incomplete insurance coverage, lyme disease, and permanent injury so I’m a lot less likely to do the crazy stuff I did as a child. I know that there are consequences for everything, good or bad. That said, I am so grateful for a childhood that gave me the room to take risks. Taking those risks taught me to think through the consequences and make decisions based on whether I’m willing to face those consequences or not. Some risks have worked out ok and some have resulted in pain and difficulty.
As our family works tirelessly toward the adoption of two children from Africa, we face countless fears. How can we not?! Taking in two adolescent children, even with the best of intentions, cannot and will not be a cakewalk! I look at the pictures and letters from these two precious children and I feel a million emotions. Right now, second to love, the biggest one is fear.
Will I love them? Will they love me? Will everyone get along? How long until the first meltdown? What medical issues will we face? How will extended family feel about them? When will we feel like a “real” family? Will we ever feel like a “real” family? Will they like my cooking? Will I annoy them with my incessant singing? How in the world are we going to handle two more people in our house with only one full bathroom?!!!
FEAR!!!!
When fear hits me and it hits hard, I stop. I stop fretting. I stop feeling. I stop everything, save for these three things. I breath, I pray, and I read God’s word. And, sometimes, I eat chocolate.
I stick to these three things (or four) because these are the only things that never fail. So now I’m breathing and praying and reading and what gift does God give me? He shows me endless stories of people who were afraid and how they reacted to fear and the results of their actions. Here are just a few of the stories that God has put before me in His word.
Story #1 Genesis 3- Adam and Eve. We might-as-well start at the beginning. Here are two people who truly have it all. Then one day, they decide that their desire to have something outweighed their fear of God. They also decide to listen to a snake rather than to God who CREATED EVERYTHING!!!! What happens? The world literally turns into a big mess of sin and confusion.
Conclusion #1: Fear of God is good!!!
Conclusion #2:Listening to snakes is bad.
Conclusion #3 Fear of snakes is good.
Story #2 Exodus 1- The Israelites in Egypt. Or more specifically, the midwives Shiphrah and Puah. Pharaoh had told these two ladies that they were to kill all the baby boys born to Israelites but they decided they feared God more than some bald dude in a skirt and weird hat. They lied to Pharaoh’s face (I don’t condone lying) and told him that the Israeli women were so vigorous that they shoved those babies out before the midwives could get to them. Obviously Pharaoh had not had the pleasure of going through childbirth or he would have known that it takes a bit longer than other bodily functions. Because of their healthy fear of Him and willingness to follow Him, God blessed not only these women, but all of the Israelites.
Conclusion #1: It’s good to know who really has the power.
Conclusion #2: Pharaoh did not take lamaze class with any of his wives or he would have seen the truly terrifying birth video that haunts all pregnant women and their baby-daddies.
Story #3 Esther- Mordecai and Esther. Now this story is filled with fear and reaction. You have Mordecai who adopts his orphaned niece and raises her as a daughter. He does a great job raising her and she ends up being chosen as a queen for the king. Now here comes the fear. Mordecai and Esther were jews in a foreign land. Mordecai tells Esther to not say a word about her heritage because he was afraid it would go badly for her with the king. Then some intrigue takes place (read Esther in the Bible to get the full story. It's short and it’s an awesome story) and Esther and Mordecai save the day and they both were favored by the king. This is totally cool except Mordecai gets promoted and is required to kneel before another dude named Haman (think super bad guy in a black cloak). Mordecai feared God more than Haman and refused to bow down to anyone other than the One True God. Now Haman is thoroughly peeved and gets the king to agree to the annihilation of the jews. To make a long story short, Esther gets called up to the big leagues and has to risk her life to save the lives of all of her fellow jews. She is beyond fearful but steps up. Not only does she save all of the jews, her actions result in Haman getting his “just rewards”.
Conclusion #1 No life lived was ever lived without fear.
Conclusion #2 Don’t mess with an adopted kid or their family because they may take you down.
The Old Testament is full of stories that involve fear and the consequences of how people dealt with that fear. Now the New Testament gives us an even deeper understanding as we see the very people who ate and spent time with Jesus Himself still had to deal with fear.
Story #4 Matthew 14- The disciples see Jesus walking on the water. Okay, so these nimrods have seen Jesus doing miracle after miracle. He has just fed well over 5000 people with the ancient equivalent of a Happy Meal. Not an hour later (or so), they see a dude walking on water and their first thought is “Ghost!”. Really? Thankfully, Jesus doesn’t leave them shaking in their boots but calls out to them, calming their fears. In this moment of amazement, Peter gets out of the boat and he, too, is walking on water. Why? Because, instead of living in fear, he is living in faith. Until….he notices he is walking on water and it’s a bit choppy and he is overcome with fear. Down he goes but Jesus, ever gracious, pulls him up and gets him back in the boat.
Conclusion #1 When you focus on faith instead of fear, amazing things happen.
Conclusion #2 We can have amazing moments of faith and, just as quickly, find ourselves consumed with fear if we keep looking at the circumstances instead of God.
Story #5 Mark 5- There was a legion of demons who were possessing a guy, making him cut himself with rocks, run around naked in a graveyard, and ruining his life beyond measure. That is, until Jesus shows up. Jesus frees the man from the spirits and sends them into a herd of pigs that immediately run into the sea and drown. The guys watching over the herd take off, telling everyone in town what had happened. The towns-folk come out to see what the hubbub is all about and see their dead pigs floating in the sea while the crazy dude is now calm, dressed, and as normal as anyone of them. So they celebrate and have a party, right? Nope. They focus on fear. They are afraid of Jesus hurting the local economy. I imagine them huddling up and saying, “What if this Jesus wants to cast out more demons. What’s next, our goats?” They were so focused on their fear that they totally missed the miracle right in front of them!
Conclusion #1 We can become so overcome with fear that we totally miss out on the awesome things God is doing.
Conclusion #2 Pigs apparently are lousy swimmers, at least when possessed by demons.
Story#6 Luke 8- I’ll end with this story but it’s one I love. There was a woman who had a serious health issue that no doctor could cure or even really treat. She spent every penny she had on treatment but was only getting worse. She was miserable and desperate. She heard about Jesus and believed that he could heal her. The only problem is that she was one of hundreds of people trying to get to Jesus. As He came near her, she struggled through the crowd, reaching out in her weakness and misery and touched the edge of Jesus’ clothing. Instantly, Jesus was aware that he had been touched and asked who had done so. Now, this woman has to make a choice. The Bible said she was stinkin’ afraid (that would be my translation). So afraid that she was trembling. She could have run away but embraced her faith and harnessed her fear. She told Jesus that it was she who touched Him. Jesus looked at her and told her that she was healed because of her faith and she would suffer no more.
Conclusion #1 Even when we have faith we still can be afraid. We must choose whether faith or fear will guide our decision making.
Conclusion #2 Being stinkin’ afraid is not an excuse to not have faith.
So, now I’ve been breathing, praying, and reading. Where do I go from here? I don’t know how to communicate this well, but I know that our family is meant to walk this adoption journey. I know that, no matter what, fear will be a part of our experience. How can it not be? Just knowing the fact that every action has a consequence is totally terrifying. But we must not be controlled by the fear of consequence. We ask God to guide us, give us wisdom, and care for us. We work daily to build and strengthen our relationship with God so that we can know Him well enough to hear Him. I’m still afraid. I know that I can’t even begin to fathom how bad the bad days will be. But I also know that I can’t possibly imagine the joy I will know on the good days. And everyday I spend following God, even when those days are full of troubles, will be better than a day spent following fear, sitting locked away from possible consequences.
